Unglaublich Genial

It's 12 in the midnight

And I am here (:

The reason is I am too hyper since yesterday

very very hyper :D

Could not attend musical night 

planned to finish my music stuff

but ended up having a super awesome spamming 

with Michelle (: 

Yet, memories flooded in my mind again

Days studying hard together

Moment that we being crazy together (":

Now a new legacy has started

Friends being busy with curriculum

The Form 5's and 3's busy with academic

It is like a Ferris wheel, 

Goes round by round (:

Too many things happened in this few month

And I hope it will come to an end as soon as possible

In order to let me take a breath (:

And there is another thing bugging me ):

Take exam or not?

I don't want to take the risk ):

Is either November or next June

And I am still not prepared yet ):

I don't want to fail ):

Motif , improvisation and sight reading 

Was like Oh my God

Take or not? :(

Ehehe (:

Next week going to Famine 30 

Hope to have a great experience (:

And erm

I also hope mummy allow me to go the activity on Sunday :D

Owh ya!

Next Monday is holidayyyy !

Gor gor envies me for this d:

Must plan my day properly (:

I got new aim! ehehe

I will try to achieve that :D

The seventh month has started :O

So uhm I want to sleep now!

Bye everyone! 

* Bruno Mars - Today my life begins *

The fray ;)

I might sound crazy (:
I might seems abnormal
But I know what I really want :)

I might lose some respect or greetings
I might be a nobody
But I don't mind (:

I swear I have no regrets on the decision made by myself (:
And I am now carefree * Whee! *

Bye bye awesome readers :D

Music Speaks (:

bibobibo (:
Is Wednesday already :(
I don't like days after Wednesday every week
Cause is too busy for me (:

Nowadays kept rushing for tuition homeworks
Missed too many lesson and got to catch up
and is not more than 2 months to exam
I didn't realise this until teacher mentioned it :"(

Nowadays kept talking with mummy (:
Listening her telling me all the childhood stories
Seeing her flipping through the photo albums <3

I want to become a small kid again :D
No one is going to scold me for doing nothing
I can do anything I like * hehe*

Recently being very deep in thoughts
Always thinking about many things (:
I might seems to be emoing but I am not :D

I really missed Kai Song :P
Especially having a non-physical chat with her
I miss her annoying sounds and actions
Although I used to give her a hatred look when she disturbed me :")

This is a total random post d:
Off to meet with motif :)

Jia you Eshennnn! You will never walk alone <3

Sharing is caring :D

Always smile and silence at the right time (:

(:

Cute :D

Smile (:

Tumblr quotes are awesome (:

(:

bubu (:
I just feel like coming here
I don know why (:
This will be a random post d:

Yesterday was super duper busy
Stayed back then tuition and then tuition ):
I feel like stop 2 of my tuitions now
One of it mummy said depends on
Another one I am still considering d:

I don't know what will be the consequences for not going
I can't said that I didn't learn anything
But I was very tired on Friday
since Thursday is always the busy day for me

I am trying very hard to keep myself awake
Doing things to distract me
Listening to people gossips when writing karangan d:
But all I felt was I am not concentrating d:
*skip*

My brain is again flooded with bad memories
Whenever a few people reminded me about the same thing
Those memories will be popping out
It's a cycle that I really hate it ):

To be clear to friends, seniors and teachers who are concern to me (:
I really thank you all for approving my ability
Telling me that I was the good ones
And telling me to gambateh
I appreciated it (:

But please stop asking me the same questions
telling me that some other people felt so and so
and of course not to ask me to be happy -.-

I am very happy for who I am now (:
I don't care about it
cause i had a very disgusted memories on those things
I do not want to have another try anymore
So, I am satisfied now (:

Owh, 4S1 (:
I really got fed up with some of you ):
I do not want to feel that
But I just got that feeling

I know that you all like to make fun of teachers
But still there is a limit (:
Taking things without permission
Making teachers to be angry everyday to the whole class

This is really BAD ):
We all want to have a nice and cheerful environment to study (:
And not teachers came in and scold us everyday
If we all want to make our class proud and famous
Let it be famous in a positive way instead of negative (:

Sometimes is not that I can't see or hear anything
I just don't want to know it
Please don't ever make me feel awkward (:
I want to be a normal student who learn in class
not against anyone of you (:

I really missed 2/3A5
Even though not everyone of us being very close to each other
At least we seems to like a big family
Have fun, have punishments together (:
I really hope that S1 will be another A5
cause i really missed all the memories we had :")

Whatever it is
I am hungrryyyyy :P
Nowadays feel super hungry *hehe*

Delala (:
Got to stop crapping here d:
Vale * goodbye*
*wave*
:D

Gino =D

Whee!
Had a very superb friday and saturday (:

Flash back for friday first :D
Not in class for whole day again
Went to interact with the Tanjung Sepat prefects (:

Scribbling on Jordan's minit mesyarat book d:
wrote something very very funny!
Wan and zhao drawing pigs,
writing funny comments
and made us laugh like mad :D

Wan also got addicted to

" grandmother likes *something*

  grandmother doen't like *something*

  Does grandmother like *something* "

I still can't get the logic in it :O

Sharing experiences with them
made me feel very lucky to be in CHS (:

Stayed back for YE production
and i skipped tuition d:
talking craps in SLAD meeting.
Went to production super late *hehe*

And beans again *sighs*
luckily there is people around for me to talk with
if not i will really got frustrated d:

reached home at about 9.30.
mummy was there nagging me for staying back so late in school :P

SATURDAY SATURDAY :D
what a hectic day!

reached empire at the nine something
setting up booth for grand sale (:
walked around all the booth for 4th time with different shirts d:
Super proud of our own product!

Persuading customers to buy something was really hard
I have to repeat many times the same phrases to different customers
and 1 or 2 of them might be buying :O
But some of them got pawned by some of the achievers d:

went to mun's house for a rest (:
and Gino doesn't bark at me anymore :D

Next stop: Bon Odori
The crowd there was really scary
and stuffs sold there was very expensive :O
Saw many friends there (:

It was more like picnicking there (:
And once again Hao Lu made me did something crazy again -.-
kind of fake dancing at the end with all the crowds
and the "roller coaster" by zhi jie
made me said the most sorry ever -.-

Went back to school waiting for mun's bro
The darkness in school made me thought of 2009 Teachers Day
Made a Oscar which looked more like a Christmas Tree
Took nap on the floor with seniors *ouch*

Overnight at mun's house (:
Having girls' talk while doing homework (:
Finished most of the homework there *yay*

Stayed up till 4 :P
Felt super sleepy and left Eshen and mun.

Sunday was very miserable :(
Woke up with sore throat
Went home and got tortured by my stomach -.-
Fever and headache
" Awesome !"

And i haven't collected my donations yet ):
Did not work on it for too long
and thursday is the dateline. :"(

And RMAMA dumped me :(
nevermind, she will bring me story :P

Ciao~

Over the days (:

bibobibo d:

Yesterday was report card day

Daddy came at 8 something and waited me till 9 something

sorryyyyy (:

Teacher kept on telling daddy that i am not weak -.-

She told him i should make everything up one more grade

Most epic thing is that

daddy helped her to complete a sentence by a word MALAS ):

Luckily she said i was not d:

Daddy,

U promise me not to say anything

bad or good , you will just listen 

U broke ur promise d:

But nxt year you might not have chance to take from me ad *hehe*

Mummy said she wants to see how bad the teacher is :D

Well... 

I needed one mark to achieve 80 ):

Actually I improved in most of the subjects

just Phy and Bio drop like don know what d:

For teacher's comment

I was thinking who will not love to have better grades?

Blah d:

Yesterday was the first time i stayed so late on report card day

Seeing all the face expressions of students and parents

is super fun d:

I even heard one of the parents saying 

" I very scare. Is ur class teacher fierce ?"

HAHA. Super super funny :D

Stayed back for ye production.

Is quite boring though ):

But grand sales is coming up

Quite excited for it :D

And here is a letter for my dear stomach (:

Dear stomach (:

           I know you have been working for 15+ years. But since the 10th year, you are giving me so much problems. Unbearable problems ): I don want stomache! Why are you torturing me? I am good enough to you. I don't eat spicy, bitter and sour things. I did not even like to eat those internal organs of the animals! Treat me well , pretty please (:

Yours faithfully,

Kai Qian 

Ciao~

Not my day

Well...
Today was totally a disaster
Woke up earlier than usual
but ended up late for school -.-

First time getting late was totally embarrassing  ):
Standing out there was not really weird
But asking me to sit down with my blazers on
and sitting on the road was totally a NO!

Well...
Uncle car broke down -.-
No one is awake in my house
So have to follow my friends to school

But if people did not give me that kind of look
and gave me a smile after i nod after their
" are you late ? " questions
I won't feel so bad right?

Sawing the juniors,seniors and teachers looking at you
asking you the same questions
and at the same time did not hear the explanation ):
I feel super bad!
And some of my friends even asked what happen to me
cause i did not raise that flag -.-

I wanted to
But i were not allowed to in -.-
Even i wanted to stand up
Is also a no ):

Fine...
Another time i got late because of my dear transporter
I won't know what i will do to him d:

Indeed,
I got scolded by several people for no reason ):
I knew you were all in a bad mood
So am I.
So don't spilt all your anger to me
this is super unfair ):

And I kept falling down today -.-
I don know what is my problem
Twice from stairs, once was when walking
How weird :O
And several times were almost fall down -.-
This is very very abnormal!

The haze is back ):
I am going to let mummy & daddy nag again d:
I will drink as much as i can
I promise (:
And daddy please don do what you did last year this wednesday again d:
Thank you!

Today is going to end :D
Tmrw will be a good good day * whee*
Ciao~

He found me :D

So , I am back!

(: d: =D ;) c; ^^ :D xP

Out of control

I can't fake a smile anymore
Not even a small positive curve on my face

The angel & demon is fighting in my mind today
I can't bear with it
Every words seems to like a sword to me
No matter a joke or whatever
It is the same for me

I am totally out of control
I always said that it will be a nice day tmrw
But it will never be ):

My tear glands is too hardworking
And totally out of control
I am trying very hard to concentrate on other things
But i failed !

I don't feel like go to school
Cause something will made me cry eventually
I have been shedding my tears since the last 2 period till now
I don't know what is my problem ):

To you who are concerned to me
I really wanted to thank you
Giving me emblazonment , appreciation
And letting me know that I am capable and so on
And a hug from you  is really nice (:

I knew that what you told me was true
You said that is was a waste
You don't understand why
I don't understand why too...
But I don't mind (:

But telling you that i don't mind
and you told me that
I can't said i don't mind
cause I am capable and you felt pity for me

You are telling me the truth
which is the differences in it
and since that the angel n demon is fighting in my head
I can't concentrate on anything
I really broke down
I never knew what I am doing now ):

A phrase " good for you" and a word " thank you"
Have been spinning in my head
is like one demon and angel
trying to kick their opponent out

There is too many things happen at once
I don't want anyone to ask me the same few questions anymore
I am tired of it
Why can't I be the one to have a simple life?

I really need distractions
I need someone to pull me out from this swirl
I can't have a life like this ):

And to you who have eyesight problem
GET A LIFE !

I have to go to calm myself down
And if you felt I am totally out of control
Leave here and don't get in my swirl (:

Penguinssss :D

It's a new day (:
I was actually not thinking about yesterday rubbish anymore

BUT
mummy mention it again -.-
cause she wanna told daddy what happen to me ):

Of course daddy gave me lecture which is not a lecture
those are almost similiar with what mummy told me (:
I mean i appreciate them for telling me all these things
But I just can't stop them from mentioning that

Whenever i said i don wan to do this or that
they will start saying
Since you can say no to us why cant you do that to ur teacher too ):
And the things go round and round again
Daddy even said I am such a smart and tricky people
I should know how to take a time to rest -.-

I know how, but I can't ):
The moment I left someone wil be complaining me
and the next thing i get will be another scolding -.-

I don care
I want make this issue to come to an end
* CASE CLOSE * (:

I need to get a counsellor i guess d:
I kept feeling that i was stupid and useless today -.-
How abnormal I am

I saw gor gor typing vitae and achievements
and he helped me to count what can I write
And what he did was
" U gt no choir,  no NSW competition, no this no that -.- "

whatever
I felt useless ):
If i could write primary achievements
I will not have the feeling d:

GAHH
I told myself not to care but why do I care?
My mind is totally out of control
really gone wild :O

* skip *

I got a few thing i wanted to do :D
1. Play pirates of carribean them song :)
2. Go for a run *whee*
3. Hope my leg get well soon (:
4. I want to read storybooks!
5. Discover my style for motif d:
6. Do some sports thingy
7. Find a place to keep all my softtoys d:
8. Acheive merit or distinction in next music exam
9. Have more and more story from RP d:
10. To determine my way and have fun :D

Btw
Should I go for marching this wednesday ?
If I go that cycle will be back again -.-
And my leg won't recover ):
If i din go
I don know what will happen
But I sense something bad -.-

Delala (:
bubulala !
bibobibo :D

Live long (:

There is really too many things in my mind
after today events
I don know why (:

Mummy never said anything
whenever I got back from anywhere
and got hurt or felt tired (:
But this time she said something really inspired me

CHS is like a society
but a smaller ones (:
Everyone would not get everybodys' support

If someone don't appreciate you
Don border bout them
Is like when you grow up to work in a company
if A did not appreciate you
chg to B and so on (:

She asked me what have I got today?
I said nothing but got sick d;
She asked me why did I do so hard for?
I said I was forced to :/

I never have an interest in anything since I am a kid
I do not have a clear direction to go with
My interest in almost everything will always fade out after some time
And I never really have any succeed & achievement till now
I am way behind gor gor ):

Mummy told me
We don't have to gain any benefits or anything from whatever we do
Although may not achieve success in the end
but it is still worth when we learn something from it

She said that no one will still appreciate me
although i do till cry, do till sick
* I din't know she knew i cry -.- *
even though i don't expect any appreciation
I got nothing to say.

And again she asked me
Is it worth for me to sacrifice for today event?
I think she felt that i was stupid to do that

I felt very stupid too
VERY VERY STUPID
I never think logically
I always take up all the responsibility that people doesn't want to do it
How stupid I am

I am very confused now
I asked her should i quit
seriously should i?

I am not happy to be in there
I feel very stress all the time
I never feel i have got any freedom in it
I did all that just because of i was asked to
How long have I been manipulate like a robot?

There is still one more year to be in high school
People said high school life will be the most precious moment
High school life will make you smile all the time
but mine was not at all
maybe just some of it

I am now at a crossroad
without lights without direction
I need someone to help me out (:

I really have to stop thinking about this
I need to focus
focus on my studies (:

I want those people to know that
I am not born to be manipulated by them
not to be like a slave to them
I am a person who can walk by myself
I want to show them by action
by any means
I wish I can (:

Freedom is mine
My life will be drawn and coloured by myself
maybe their life is like a jail
dull and nothing
I don care d:
Mine will be as colourful as rainbow and bubbles (:

New day , new start , new life (:
Make their specs drop!
I can do it :D
BOO YA!

Olyckliga Stunder

I got to write out everything here

In order to let my brain stop thinking bout all the "her" again (:

Not going to mention who is she

But i really really hope I wont see her again

I wonder when will she retire

I don't want to see her anymore!

To you:

You are not born to scold me

And I am not born to let you scold!

I know I did not do really well

But can you be more considerate?

Imagine I am the only person to walk around the whole school compound

without anyone helping me...

I did not get the co-operations from them

I did not get to make myself in so many place at once

What do you expect?

I am not the only person in charge

The other two person in charge were there

Why do you have to ask someone to inform me to meet you

And all I get is scolded by you !

They do not want to co-operate

What can I do?

Scolding them will make them alme even more

Telling them what is the right thing to do

and they did not want to listen

What can I do?

I have been walking for so many rounds outside de school compound

Walking for don know how many rounds in the school compound

Can't I stand at a shady place to rest for 3 minutes?

I am a human not a robot or machine.

I am not the head of the whole project

No one is... We are just a team

Why do I always be the one scolded by you?

I am trying my best

Can't you see?

To the other 3 of you :

I heard what you all said (:

every words, every sentences

I just pretend that i din't hear anything

But I am not deaf!

U don't have to give comment

I am not capable

I am not socialise

I am nothing

I KNOW!

U don't have to hit me with things " accidentally"

U don't have to repeat all the words

I know what it is...

Nevermind...

I will not see you 3 anymore next year.

You 3 will be out of my sight (:

Well..

It is not a good day after all..

My mind has been manipulate 

by the unhappy things happened years ago ):

That was the year I shed the most tears

The year I lost all my confidence in everything

I know I have been very emotional today

I can't stop shedding my tears whenever I thought about it

Those were too hard for me to handle

And I am to fragile to handle them with care

I need to have a rest

My last injured part was pain again ):

my foot was really out of control now

Sorry that I have to skip my class today ):

To all the people who help me out & the cooperative person out there

Thank you (:

You guys are really great!

To those people who are very selfish and irresponsible

"Good luck" in your whole life (:

My mind is almost empty now (:

Got to go sleep now d:
If not gor gor will be teasing me looking like a panda
Hmph d;
Ciao~