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Monday, May 26, 2014

房,防

Posted by ....:::: Kai Qian =) ::::.... at 11:03 PM 0 comments

就像海浪般,
可以轻拂似纱布,
更能够汹涌如鲨鱼,
它的千变万化,
让人捉摸不清

刻意地不让自己陷入泥沼,
却总会踏入流沙,
越陷越深,
怎么也逃不出

有人说这些流沙不会存在太久,
因为它不长久,
有人说能见到流沙极为稀奇,
需要把握时机,
好好珍惜

不明白这两者有何关系,
但这是内心的感觉,
是我逃不出的漩涡,
走不出的迷宫

就快变成只鸵鸟,
因为这一切比埋头苦读难多了,
这是没有答案的答案,
没有对与错的纷争,
是一场内心的斗争

向树干上的荆棘般,
那是自我保护的象征,
但那一点都不安全,
伤了自己也伤了他人

选择了悬空,
也不愿扑空,
这是我必须跨过的门槛,
我必须克服的障碍,
但至今仍未有一丝曙光

未来的自己,
需要加油 (:

Friday, May 23, 2014

Pricetag

Posted by ....:::: Kai Qian =) ::::.... at 5:46 PM 0 comments

1 year and 5 months,
the 17 months that I really learnt a lot,
where I have to push myself to grow up,
to challenge myself to do things that I am always fear to do.

I never have doubt when I chose A-levels as my Pre-U pathway,
I did not bother when people told me it's tough,
I believe that through this course i will be able to learn more,
to catch up better for my tertiary education,
I take this tough 1 and a half years that i am going to face as a worthwhile choice

I chose the horrendous Physics subject which I fear the most,
all the concepts especially Newton's Law never make any sense to me,
I had a really tough time to handle it during SPM,
but yet I chose it since I have no other better options.

I am never being a fast learner in sciences and maths,
and yet my subject combinations are all sciences and maths.
I sometimes wonder why am I doing this to myself,
why not i just get something i am good at to study

From day 1 of college,
we are starting to struggle to finish up our maths homework,
yes, it's a lot but still manageable,
but when day goes by, homeworks are piling up.

Homeworks are not the major problem,
the problem is when I was struggling in every of the subjects,
trying to understand each and everything that has been taught,
but no matter how much time I spent I did not get the expected outcome

Worse still is that when peers and lecturers thought that you are pretty smart,
and expect you to do well in every of the test and homeworks.
They'll be telling you 'What happened to you?', 'I'm so disappointed' and etc
And the worst of all is when you expect too much from yourself and you never meet your own expectations,
when you are giving yourself too much pressure until you cry from doing all the works during midnight.

Yes, these are just part of the stories during edexcel :3
The most interesting part thing is that when we are trying to save ourselves from failing external,
and there comes a news telling us that there is some changes to the edexcel board and etc.
The college was really in a chaos, a horrendous chaos.

It was a tough time deciding whether to switch course,
or whether to change to july intake,
or even to change college,
and more decisions to be made,
it's tough for me, really tough.

I do really have to thanks those who encouraged me to switch back to 1305 instead of going 1307,
i really made a dangerous bet with myself,
to complete the whole cie in within 9 months and being able to score well,
I really thank all of them who encouraged me and told me to have faith in myself

Switching to cie is nevertheless a choice that we made,
we have to work harder than all the others out there,
we have less breaks and even breaks are meant for study,
cramping as much knowledge as we can in a short time is our mission.
To be honest, i thought that it's a mission impossible.

Doing physics assignments and maths homeworks especially P3
it really kills, kills inside out :3
The moment when you just keep doing eventhough you don't understand,
you just do unconsciously eventhough you know it's never going to work well.
Yes the girls are always afraid to have their homeworks undone,
and that's why we suffer the most from sleep deprivation.

I seems to be grumbling much here,
but I am grateful to have been through all these (:
we dont grow when things are easy, we grow when we face challenges
Everything happens for some reasons,
and this is what I have learnt from all the 'hardships' i had (:

I will never know my limits until I push myself to them.
things always seems to be impossible at first,
but the more you fear, the less you are going to learn (:
I learned to be able to understand every single thing by myself eventhough it's tough,
I made myself to try harder and harder.

We don't always get what we wish for but we get what we work for.
Stop wishing and start doing (:
We always wish to achieve this and that in our lives,
but we never really work hard for it,
we took everything that happened as normal phenomena,
we grumbled when our wishes are not granted,
but did we learn to ask ourselves have you done your best? (:

I have learnt not to take people opinion that serious,
good advice are always welcome but when it comes to comments that is not realisitc or so,
I will be less likely to thought about it anymore,
or maybe i was too busy to think about them,
But I'll really control myself not to take all of them so seriously,
and that makes life happier (:

I realize that as long as I did my best,
it's worthwhile do work hard and no regrets when things do not turned up as expected.
Yes, we shouldn't aim for perfection in life,
we strive for progress and flaws that makes us perfect in life (:
and most of all, the only person we should try to be better than is none other the person we were yesterday (:

I learnt to make choices and decisions,
still not very good at but i am still trying to improve (:
When I ever feel like giving up, I'll always remind myself how far I've come through from the day I made the decision, and told myself to be responsible on what decision that I have made.
Nothing is going to turn you down unless you turn yourself down,
Be strong and stay on your path!
Never look back and never give up (:

It's the persistent in us,
the determination in us,
the selflessness in everyone in here,
the bonds that we built that hold us together,
to brave through all the obstacles,
always together and no one is left alone (:

Indeed it's friendship (:
My communication skills are still as horrible like last time,
I failed to work on it,
cause i communicate more with my books i guess :P

But nevertheless I'm thankful to meet the bunch of them,
the S2's and especially yanyee, mun, kawei, sheauyunn and dylan (:
It's a great pleasure to spent most of my time in college with them,
the comfort feeling to be with them is ineffable,
college life will not be the same without them :')

Not to forget the bunch of backsitters in class,
who never failed to make lots of jokes,
to make the lecturers indecisive whether to be angry or laugh,
and never failed to make all sorts of awkwardness when they are trying to borrow something.

Nevertheless taking LRT back and forth has been kind of a routine,
walking to KL central with syuen, uva, sooklynn, kawei and theva.
The journey seems to be much more shorter when I have them,
we talked about ridiculous and funny plans to place each other on some isolated islands and etc,
it's nevertheless another part of events that makes my college life a colourful ones (:

Joining events and clubs with the classmates are fun too (:
From Latin club with Michelle, xinjing, kawei, puilam and the others,
to Stratagem club with the whole S2,
Pictionary was the greatest of all :")

I'm also glad to meet a bunch of lecturers that is much dedicated :")
Ms Yee, Mr Kwan, 
the 2 that are both cute and responsible (:
they're always there for us no matter rain or shine,
they can eventually answer all of our doubts clearly,
even if they are not sure they are always willing to ask,
to learn together with us (:

As Mr Kwan said,
it's a 2 way learning (:
They are not only our lecturers,
but a great friend and motivators for everyone of us :')

Mr Chung and Mr Patrick,
the 2 that drown us much with assignments,
with sleepless nights and weekend full of numbers and laws,
it's really tiring but if they both did not force us to do all the works,
we would be so stressed up and unprepared during exams ._.

They both have high expectation on us,
but we always disappointed them,
in a sense that we are all pro bio kind of students,
but still thankyou for not giving up on us (:

Suming up my A-levels life,
it is none other than homeworks, exams, assignments and expectation.
but there is also friends and lecturers, outings and lunch dates,
which makes it balance (:

1415 of 22nd of May 2014,
it marks an end to our 2nd stage of A-levels (:
It's a mix feeling,
Happy that we finally had time to take a break,
to do what we want that we have never been able to do in the past 17 months

But at the same time,
It's sad to depart,
thinking of not seeing each other anymore until the results day,
all the moments and memories we had in these days,
and all the days we had held each other hands to walk till the end :")

We are truly proud of ourselves,
we make impossible possible (:
Like what MsMoey said in her video during our 'graduation' day
we are the ones that been through the toughest A-Levels,
but we managed to take up the challenge and we did it (:
It's not about whether you can or not, it's all about whether you want to do it or not (:

I have so much more in my mind,
and memories are flushing back (:
But I think I'll just kept them well,
and stop making this post longer and longer :P
adios ~

2/2013

7/2013

2/2014


4/2014